you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
