maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
