Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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