tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
