Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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