Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
