They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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