Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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