I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
