worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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