you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
