This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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