You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
