a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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