I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
