he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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