It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You are the jesus of drinking
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
