Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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