i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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