what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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