I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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