I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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