You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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