My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
