i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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