Ambien. No doubt about it.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
