There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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