is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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