is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
