Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
