omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
