You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
