let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
