i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
