You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
