This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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