We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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