I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
