He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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