I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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