glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i think i have two assholes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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