all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
