the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize