well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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