That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
