Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize