you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
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You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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