your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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