4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
