First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
