I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
