I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
