i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
