i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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