I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
