my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
