Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
