I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
