It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
